Threesomes, Fireworks, and Great Expectations

This is a heavy one, so get ready for that.

So much has happened since I last wrote that I can’t even pick out a particular thing to write about.

It has been said that comparison is the thief of joy. I disagree. I think that the thief of joy is expectation.

Is it fair of us to expect ANYTHING?

Is it fair of us to expect loyalty at all times from those closest to us?

Is it fair to expect an addict to get clean?

Is it fair to expect a commitment to remain a commitment, even if it was given under God?

Is it fair to expect things to STAY good?

Let me put it into perspective. Last night, I made a pinky promise to someone that I would finally put down the vape for good. I hit it tonight. I broke a vow- and I hold pinky promises to the highest esteem. But I felt like I was going crazy. I had a headache. I felt anxious and sick. Is it okay that I broke that vow, because it was better and more convenient for me?

I’m not one that’s quick to judgement. I think most who know me would agree.

“Sally? No, she goes with the flow. In fact, she usually lets people run her flat over.”

Or, as Nyx would say, “You literally can’t set a boundary to save your life.”

I forgive so easily. I think it’s because I understand. It’s easy for me to look at someone and understand exactly why they did something - after all, it is literally dialed into our DNA to be selfish. It’s how we made it this far as a species.

Your great great great great great great grandmother probably stole the last potato in her Irish village during the Great Potato Famine, just to be able to live longer and procreate.

Your great great great great great grandfather probably disowned his very own brother when he contracted the plague, just so we could be standing here today- enjoying tiktok videos and making less than a living wage to pay too-high taxes on.

My point is that, even when people fuck me over, I’m like “Who am I to judge?”

So what happened for me to write this blog post?

People happened.

Good people did bad things. People close to me broke vows. People close to me said some mean things about me. People close to me let some of my deepest secrets slip from their mouths and into the ears of others.

Someone who I thought was better, turned out to be worse than before. And someone who I thought was the smartest, most headstrong individuals turned out to not necessarily be that.

It’s all about motives. Love, money, sex, security, likability. “What do I need right now, and if I get it, then is it worth bending my morals over? “

I have decided to no longer expect anything from anyone. I’ll always be a glass half full kind of person, but I don’t think it’s fair of me to hold others to the standards that I place for them in my head. Humans, after all, are surprising only a quarter of the time, and rather disappointing all of the rest.

And as for me? I made a mistake too. But maybe I won’t next time. People are just like that.

Happy 4th of July weekend, guys. I’m out of my slump, so I’ll see you next week.